Once past Labor Day, we the untanned no longer have to face the implicit rebukes of the scantily-clad Coppertone set - you know, the kind of people who go around showing off their deep, dark, fabulous tans. (Do I sound envious?)

Indeed, the rebukes that pale males and wan women face are often not implicit at all. They are made openly and without hesitation. Bronzed friends at the beach will often make jokes at our expense.

It wasn't always so. At one time, artists celebrated alabaster skin and milky-white complexions. Alas, that era is no more and shows no signs of returning, even though dermatologists today warn that tanning is dangerous to your health.

But if tanning is potentially harmful in the long run, not tanning is worse - although the resulting harm may be more psychological than physical. Women like men who are dark, as in tall, dark and handsome. I'll never forget the time a woman I was dating complained to me that she hadn't realized how pale I was when we started going out. Not surprisingly, that summer romance faded long before her killer tan. (Happily, I ended up marrying a fair redhead.)

What is surprising is that, in 21st Century America, the fair-skinned are fair game for discrimination. Decent people, people who wouldn't dream of ridiculing anyone else's skin color, won't hesitate to mock the pale.

It's unfair because like one's race, paleness is a fact that cannot be changed. It's what lawyers call an “immutable characteristic.”

While some may need simply to expose their skin to the summer sun and wait for the magic to happen, the same process leaves me lobster-red and painfully burned. After going through some sleepless nights and enough Solarcaine to reliably drive up the company's stock, my skin peels, revealing another layer of alabaster white that's ready to begin the burning-peeling-freckling cycle anew. And, of course, if tanning is bad for your skin, burning is like taking the express train to Melanomaville.

If I get only slightly burnt, my skin will stay light red for a while, invariably causing people to comment that I've gotten “some color.” For the fair-skinned, this is as good as it gets.

And so part of me looks forward to summer's end. As the temperature begins to drop, heavy clothing will once again be in, explosed skin out. Tans will fade. But my skin will stay pretty much the same hue.

To the oh-so-superior sun bullies of the world - and you know who you are - I say, enjoy your tans, while they last. Winter is coming, and I am getting out my skis.